The transgender bathroom debate irritates me to no end. What is worse is that most Facebook and Twitter discussions are little more than oversimplified platitudes that usually end with somebody being called a bigot. Very little discussion happens.
Last week, I was tagged in such a post and the friend who tagged me ended up removing it when she realized just how offensive it could be taken (I really believe she didn't mean it to be offensive but such is the nature of FB). The thing is, her post really got me thinking seriously about what is wrong with the entire discussion.
It strikes me that there is something desperately missing from the debate. What is missing is any discussion of boundaries. Obviously, a man poking a camera under a bathroom stall violates every sane human's sense of boundaries, but short of that, where are we as a society?
The next thing that struck me is that both sides in the debate are not talking about exactly the same thing. Those who favor transgender rights tend to move the discussion to public restrooms such as at ball parks, department stores and shopping malls. They also bring up the success of current unisex restrooms in some establishments. The clear fallacy here is that each of these places already have a modicum of privacy such as private stalls, and in the case of unisex restrooms, there is generally an entire locked restroom available to any sex. That's all well and good but diverts attention from real boundary discussions and ignores a number of societal norms. Plus, there are MANY places where, due to security reasons, doors have been removed and there is very little privacy. It also ignores the legitimate privacy concerns of many women even in the presence of private stalls.
The other side tends to focus upon schools. I have a lot of sympathy for this but I have come to discover that this is not nearly as cut and dried as I thought it was. If my understanding is correct (and it may be incomplete), I believe a child who "identifies" as a sex other than the one they are born with must show VERY extensive psychological counseling and get sign-offs from medical and psychological professionals that they truly suffer from a mental condition for which there is no relief. Further, schools are being required to provide certain privacy measures even when a biological boy is allowed into the girls rooms. A boy can't just say he feels like a girl today and walk into the wrong bathroom.
-Edit: It turns out that my understanding was VERY wrong about this at the time of the writing. Under two letters sent from the Obama Justice Department to every public school in the nation, it is NOT required that a transgender student demonstrate anything at all. There was no doctor's note, psychological evaluation or anything like it. In fact, under the directives, schools were not allowed to even ask if the student's parents were aware of the decision. A boy could literally walk into the school office and declare that he identified as a girl and he could not be challenged, questioned nor could his parents be called. I'm not exaggerating about this one... I have copies of the letters.
So one side is saying what's the big deal and why are you being so closed minded and the other side is saying protect the children and neither is talking about the same thing.
I want to ignore both of these for a moment and see if there are any boundaries left in this society. Let's not talk about schools or "restrooms." Let's talk about health clubs. Health clubs have public restrooms, but those are also locker rooms, showers and changing rooms. How much privacy should a woman expect in such a setting? Who should be allowed into these areas without the cops being called? Let's be as realistic as possible and think about the right of a woman to go about her normal daily life and figure out how much male presence is allowed in such a place. From that's we should be able to extrapolate appropriate privacy expectations wherever the sexes are segregated for privacy reasons.
For women, at what point are you comfortable finishing your work-out and coming in to shower and get dressed to leave? Would you be comfortable with any of the following individuals sharing the changing and shower areas of your local sport club?
1. Any random man.
2. A gay man.
3. A flamboyant gay man who may be wearing feminine attire.
4. A man with a beard and hairy back but wearing women's clothing.
5. A clean shaven man with feminine features wearing a wig and women's clothing.
6. A stereotypical "transvestite" with heals, stockings a wig and looking very much like Tim Curry in Rocky Horror.
7. A transsexual who has gone through years of psychological counselling, hormone therapy and truly examined and understands the process by which their brain and body do not match in terms of gender but has not had the penis removed.
8. Same as above but has gone the extra step of surgical alteration.
9. None of the above
My hunch is, most women would answer 7, 8 or 9, depending upon how "liberated" and accepting they are of the transgender community.
Here is the problem though. No matter how accepting a woman is of the transgender community, how does one distinguish between number 7 with number 5? For that matter, if we draw any line, why is one line somehow better than another? Isn't any line arbitrary?
It's worse than that though. Is it really anybody's business if a transsexual has gone thought adequate levels of counselling? It is our business if they are undergoing hormone treatments? Is it our business if they prefer men or women?
Do you see the problem yet? We can't set up a sliding and nebulous criteria for who may enter a women's locker room. How do you ask about a person's motivation for desiring to use the women's locker room? Who is responsible for determining who's reason is based upon sound medical and psychological science and who's is based upon being a pervert who wants to satisfy voyeuristic or nefarious desires?
Women should never have to forfeit their privacy or modesty if they don't want to. Men shouldn't have to either for that matter.
This isn't about fear of sexual assault. It has nothing to do with the so-called "rape culture" or anything else. It is simply a matter of personal dignity of women. Some women would have no problems with changing in front of men or those in "transition" and that is their prerogative. But is also the prerogative of other women to say no to this.
Am I missing something here? Bathrooms, changing rooms, locker rooms and lounges are segregated in order to protect the dignity and privacy of both sexes. Are we really at a point in our society where we must end modesty for all in order to satisfy the "rights" of those for whom nature (or nurture) has played the cruel joke of giving the brain one gender and the body another? Am I the only one who thinks the most compassionate and least judgmental response is to ask that those with a penis use one room and those without use another?
