Politics Has Ruined the NFL - Part 2

Part 2 - Do I really have to be a Cowboys fan now?

So now that we see that the Anthem protest forces each of the players to take a political position on one single issue, should we then cheer for the team that most aligns with our personal politics?  That seems to be required.  Every single week, players force me to recognize and contemplate their views so perhaps I need to make my cheering decisions based upon those. 

So from my perspective, a few teams are automatically out.  The Oakland Raiders, as a team have taken this whole protest to new levels.  Marshawn Lynch took it to an extreme  when he sat during the US National Anthem but stood during the Mexican Anthem… racism and police brutality in Mexico?  Apparently he has not seen the complexion of the skin of every single reporter in Mexico and has never heard about Mexican jails. 

Philadelphia, Kansas City, Miami, LA (both Chargers and Rams), Seattle, New York (Giants), San Francisco and New Orleans have players participating in the protests.  Aaron Rogers has expressed solidarity with the protests (which kills me because I really liked that guy) so throw Green Bay into the list of teams for which I cannot cheer. 

So are there any teams that have political views that don’t offend me?  Well, the Redskins have resisted political correctness by keeping their name so I guess that is a good thing. 

But what about Jerry Jones?  He seems to be the only guy in the league that actually understands how ridiculous this whole thing is.  He recognizes that the game should be about the game, not the personal political beliefs of the players.  He also comprehends that fans have a choice and if the league continues to insult such a huge swath of the American population, they may choose to do something different on Sunday afternoons. 

Nope.  I can’t do it.  I can’t cheer for the Cowboys, even if Jerry Jones is fighting to keep politics out of the league.  Politics is now an integral part of the game.  It cannot be separated.  The league is poisoned with it.  I realize that the players have a right to free speech, but so do I.  I am choosing to speak by not listening to them.  They can kneel, sit, lock arms or raise a clenched fist but I can always change the channel… or better yet, turn off the TV and go outside and find other activities to fill my day.

Fortunately, the insanity that has infected the NFL hasn’t reached college football in any serious way yet.  I can still follow the Virginia Tech Hokies without being confronted by the “resistance” or any such silliness.  I’ll get my gridiron fix there while I still can.  Beyond that, I am done with football for now.  I’m not sure there is a way for them to get me back either.  Time will tell.

Politics has ruined the NFL Part 1

The National Anthem Protest Has Ruined Football

Part 1 - Kaepernick's selfishness

Let me begin by saying that I have never been a die-hard football fan.  There are some teams I’ve liked and cheered for over the years but I have never bought a jersey and never been very passionate about “my team.”  In all honesty, there are times when the only team I cheer for is the one playing against the Eagles or Cowboys.  I find the fans of both of those teams to be particularly irksome and I derive perverse pleasure in giving them crap.  Because I don’t have a team to which I am wedded, it is often easy to dish out a lot of grief to those teams’ fans. 

In spite of being a milquetoast fan, I have always enjoyed watching the games.  I enjoy the strategy, the emotion, the physicality and the talent that is displayed every Sunday.   Watching the games is sometimes just a way to “veg out” on a Sunday afternoon.  I’ve enjoyed keeping up with the league in the past.

But not this year.  This year, the players decided to force me to understand their politics.  Strangely, I’m pretty sure most of these guys don’t even really know what it is they are protesting and the reason seems to change from week to week.  Colin Kaepernick said he would not “stand up to show pride in a country that oppresses black people and people of color.”  He went on to take a jab at police by saying “There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.”  Those are his words.  That is what the protest is about.  He expressly said he will not show pride in his country because of how he believes black people are treated by law enforcement.

So because Kaepernick doesn’t have pride in his country and has a dim view of law enforcement, he chose to use the occasion of the National Anthem to express those views.  This is where I have a problem.  Having those views is one thing.  Using the National Anthem to get those points across is where I take issue. 

 Kaepernick and those with a similar point of view have a monopoly on political expression during football games.  How is that fair?  How would a player express any other political position?  If a player felt strongly that the State of California was criminally trampling his 2^nd Amendment rights, how could he show that during a game?  If a player was passionately opposed to our immigration laws, is there a way to get that point across?  If another player felt the minimum wage was too low, how could he use his time during the game to promote that idea? 

See the problem?  Kaepernick chose the one part of the game that involves something beyond football and made it about his agenda.  Now that he’s out of the league, many other players have taken up his cause but Kaepernick is the one who defined the protest.  Kneeling during the Anthem is a protest about race relations and police brutality.  To kneel is to express solidarity with that point of view.  He stole that moment for his politics. 

To me, the kneeling protest is disgusting.  It is selfish because it precludes any other political points of view.  It stifles debate.  It is divisive.  One has only to look at the other players and realize that each of them must decide if they agree with the Kaepernick political position.  Even if they agree with him, they have to decide to what degree they agree.  They have to decide what kneeling or standing represents.  Does it represent a belief that our nation is so fundamentally flawed that no respect is needed or do they think that in spite of its flaws, it is still worthy of respect.  Do they see that the freedoms we have were paid for by the blood of patriots and that work still needs done to live up to our stated ideals? 

Instead of focusing on football, every single player has to confront these questions in the moments before the game.  They have no choice.  They have to decide every single week because Kaepernick put them in this position.  

Practical Rifle training

Randy Cain Practical Rifle Class

Review of September 22-24 class at

Echo Valley Training Center, High View WV

It is a little difficult to figure out how to start this review.  I guess I’ll start with a brief history of what lead me to take the class as that will give some perspective on what I got out of it.  I have been reading about Jeff Cooper’s Scout Rifle concept since 1990.  I have owned hunting rifles since 1992 and Cooper’s ideas always played heavily into my choices of guns, ammo, scopes, slings and stocks.  I’m the type who reads and studies a lot and I have had a lot of opportunity to put this into action in the field.  I am an avid hunter and have learned a lot about what does and does not work in the field.

I have also taken several firearms courses over the years.  I did Frontsight pistol twice, Tactical Response Fighting Rifle and Fighting Pistol plus several competition pistol courses from various instructors over the years.  I have never taken a practical or scout rifle class but have always wanted to.  The reason I never did was because the only place that really offers this kind of training is Gunsite and I could never scratch up the $1800 tuition plus travel and ammo expenses for that. 

In early 2017, I again started looking for a practical/scout rifle class.  I stumbled upon a mention of Randy Cain and did some research.  Everything I read put it on par with Gunsite which is no surprise since Randy was one of Jeff Cooper’s instructors at Gunsite for years.  His training also costs less than one third of Gunsite and I found a class being offered about 150 miles from my home. 

Now for the review.  I’ll cover several different aspects of this, including suggestions for preparation and ideas for the best guns for this class:

The instruction:

This was fantastic.  I have read for years about the snap shot, surprise break, sling use, shooting positions, natural point of aim, skeletal support, and all the fundamentals of proper rifle shooting.  I’ve watched videos and for the most part, I’ve done pretty well.  However, having it taught to me and doing it all hand’s-on with a good instructor was amazing.  Everything I had read from Cooper was being demonstrated right in front of me.  The curriculum was straight out of “Art of the Rifle” and I soaked it up. 

Day one started from scratch.  We didn’t do anything with the sling, but learned different prone methods, sitting, squatting, kneeling and standing.  Weapon manipulation was a big part of it as well.  Some shooting was done slowly and deliberately.  Some was done rapidly.  We did more precision work before lunch.  After eating lunch, we did more things that didn’t require as much precision and this included moving and the snap shot.

Day two built on the lessons from day one but added in the use of a sling as a shooting aid.  We drilled getting into supported positions from standing.  We also learned just how fast one can get from African carry to a solid shot.  I’m pretty sure one could not draw a pistol as quickly as we were able to get a head shot from a slung position.

Day two ended with an interesting drill.  Five shooters lined up side by side, 15 yards from 5 target stands.  On command, shooter one put one round into target one.  Shooter two did the same, followed by shooters 3, 4 and 5 until all had fired one round on target number one.  Shooter one then shot one round at target 1 and target two.  Shooters down the line did the same thing.  Then shooter one shot one round at target 1, 2 and 3 and so one until we were all shooting a 5 round string.  The drill was really about gun manipulation and reloading under pressure.  If you didn’t reload while the others were shooting, you missed your turn and the thing turned into a train wreck.  I’ll expand on how this worked out when discussing the guns later.

Day 3 started at 200 yards and making sure we had a true 200 yard zero.  Once that was done, we had a shoot-off where two shooters were paired off.  On signal they would drop to prone and shoot at a steel target at 200.  The first one to hit advanced and the other was eliminated.  This went on until a winner was declared.  I won this shoot-off.  We then had a chance to shoot at steel at 300 yards. 

We then moved back to the 100 yard range to continue the drills.  Day three also had some transition work to pistols.  Emphasis was on precision and speed (in that order) and on building on the fundamentals.  We had another shoot-off that used all 5 shooting positions while advancing forward.  The winner was the one with the most hits in the scoring ring (about 5” in the middle of a camo target).  If there was a tie on the number of hits, the one who did it in the shortest time was the winner.  I placed second with 3 hits in 42 seconds.  Two of my shots were about 1” below the scoring ring.  My group was tighter than the winner and I did it 30 seconds faster but he had 4 in the scoring ring… oh well.  LOL

Randy did a great job of explaining and demonstrating everything.  At no point did I feel lost and I don’t think the other shooters did either. 

For the rest of this article, it will be necessary to give some details about guns, scopes, slings and demographics of the class.  Normally, this class should have at least 12 students.  Randy made an exception and there were 8 signed up.  One guy was a no-show so we started with seven.  My wife was in the class but she had been struggling with tendonitis.  This got MUCH worse by mid-day on day one and she was unable to shoot after that.

Students:

1.       Mid-50’s male and I’m not sure of his previous training experience. Very nice guy but not exactly “dialed-in” but he soaked up information like a sponge.  He had a Savage Walking Varminter in .222 Rem with a Leupold VX2 1-4X scope and a carry strap sling.  I loaned him a Rhodesian sling I had brought.

2.       Early-40’s male who was pretty “dialed in.  I know this was his 2^nd time taking Practical Rifle and I’m pretty sure he has taken pistol classes as well.  He had a pre-64 Winchester M70 in .308 with a Nightforce 2-8X (not positive but was definitely a low variable) and an Andy’s Ching Sling with standard studs.

3.       Late 30’s female who had taken no formal training.  She is my wife and I prepped her well and she knew what she was doing til she dropped out.  She had a Ruger American Compact in .223 with a Leupold Vari-X III 1.5-5X with a Ching sling with studs.

4.       Late-40’s male… me. I shot day 1 and 2 and the long range portion of day 3 with a Mossberg Patriot RECON built by Steve Bons at Granite Mountain Tactical. The gun wore a Leupold VX2 Scout 1.5-4X and a Wilderness Ching Sling in Pachmayr sockets.  I switched to my Steyr Scout in .308 with a Leupold Mark 4 1.5-5X MR/T (conventional scope) and an Andy’s Ching in sockets.

5.       Male mid-40’s who may have had previous pistol training but nothing with a rifle.  He knew he would learn enough in the class to make a good decision on a proper practical rifle but he didn’t own one.  He brought a Henry 1892 lever gun in .357.  He was plagued by malfunctions and used Randy’s loaner rifle which was a Ruger M77 in .223 with what I think was a Leupold VX2 2-7X and a Ching sling with studs.

6.       Early 70’s male who had clearly taken a number of firearm classes but not Practical rifle.  He and his wife (shooter 7) had matching Ruger M77 rifles with laminated stocks in .223.  Both rifles had what looked like the Leupold VX2 2-7X and both had Andy’s Rhodesian slings.

7.       Early-60’s female who was the wife of Shooter 6.  She was retired military and had taken several training courses.  She was the most accurate shooter on the line.

I’m providing these details because it will explain a few things about the rest of the review.

 

Training pace:

The pace was a little slower than I would have chosen, but it was exactly the right pace for the group.  Randy talks a lot and he will riff on a thought by telling story after story.  By the middle of the second day, this was starting to annoy me but then I did a mental self-check and realized a couple of things.  First of all, had we been shooting instead of listening to these stories, only 2 of us would be standing by the end of the class.  His anecdotes slowed things down so others didn’t get worn out.  Even at this pace, I was suitably tired by the end anyway.

The other thing I realized is that this kind of story telling is how wisdom is passed on.  I got to listen to first-hand stories about legends such as Jeff Cooper, Louis Auerbach, Pat Rogers, Clint Smith and others.  This is stuff you will not find in books.   It’s just curious and interesting vignettes that create a history.  It’s something you can’t put a price on and I’m better for it.  If you take this class, be aware of it and pay attention.

Gun stuff:

All the guns shot acceptably well in terms of accuracy.  I’m leaving out the lever action rifle in this discussion but with that exception, the major differences were the magazines, scopes, and slings. 

Detachable magazines versus hinged floorplate:

Randy has a decided preference for the hinged floorplate.  His stated reason was that they are quicker to top off with just one or two rounds and tend to be more reliable.  He didn’t say, but I suspect that aesthetics have something to do with it as well.  Those bulky metal mags hanging below the Ruger GSR and Savage Scout really look horrible and are clunky.  I’ve seen that they are not the easiest to seat properly as well.

The hinged floorplate guns did not fare as well as either of my magazine fed rifles.  Most of this was due to user error (fumbled loading) but all 4 people using them had to stop on a regular basis.  Shooter 1 also had constant magazine issues.  Neither the Steyr nor the Mossberg had a single feeding issue.  During the drill with the 5 targets, mine was the only one that completed the drill.

Many of the drills seemed intended to almost coddle the hinged floorplate guys.  We had frequent reminders of when to top off.  Having a detachable magazine was of no advantage until that last drill.  I was the only one not in panic mode. 

Slings:

Randy prefers the classic Ching to the Rhodesian and I agree.  It is more stable and easier to loop up.  Shooter 6 and 7 did not put a twist in their slings and I saw that the leather didn’t lay flat across the back of their hand. The sling I loaned to shooter 1 was not broken in and I think he struggled a bit. 

The nylon Wilderness sling worked well but did cause a bit of rashing on my upper arm.  I use that sling because it sticks on my shoulder better than leather when I’m wearing my hunting jacket.

I want to comment about swivel studs.  Randy prefers the standard stud as opposed to the Pachmayr sockets.  He says he’s seen them pop out with hard use.  I don’t dispute that, but during our class, both rifles with studs and standard Ching slings has a stud back out a half turn.  That’s an easy fix, but it was annoying and doesn’t happen with sockets.

Scopes:

All the scopes performed well and none had any issues.  I do want to address the difference between the scout scope and the conventional ones.  I’ve used both quite a bit and this class allowed me a direct side-by-side comparison.  Randy prefers the low variable conventional for real world use.  He says the scout scope is great in class, but is less useful in low light conditions.  Several years ago, I came to the same conclusion after not being able to see deer in cover and in low light with a fixed power scout scope.  Lately, I’ve been using the variable power scout and it is showing a lot of promise in low light.  I’m not ready to call it as effective, but I’m going to try it this season and will report back.

So aside from low light, what is the advantage to one over the other?  Situational awareness and speed.  The scout scope, even at max magnification, allows for things you just can’t do with a conventional scope.  Here is what I mean.  Start from a low ready position at 100 yards.  There are 8 target stands and you’re shooting at the third from the left.  The signal is given to drop to prone and fire one shot rapidly.  Your eyes are fixed on your target.  The stay fixed as you drop to the mat while slinging up.  Both eyes remain on the target all the way down.  The gun comes up and both eyes still have your one target in view.  Now, with your dominant eye, you shift focus to the scope and see your target without shifting or hunting.  It is the only thing you see and your left eye still has it non-magnified as well.  It is extremely fast and you never lost sight of your target.

Now do the same thing with a conventional scope.  You’re good right up until the gun comes to your face.  Even with both eyes open, you will momentarily lose sight of your target.  The ocular takes up all the vision of your dominant eye and now you have to find your target.  Third from the left, isn’t it?  It isn’t just the speed.  The scout scope improves situational awareness and not just a little.  The low variable is fast, but losing sight of the target, even just for a moment puts it behind the scout in my opinion.

RECON versus Steyr:

The RECON is a true scout rifle built by Steve Bons at www.granitemountaintactical.com in Prescott AZ.  Cost is less than $1000 and it is an amazing little gun.  I wanted to run it the entire time, but also wanted to give my Steyr a try and I’m glad I did.  Both had strengths and weaknesses and running them both was enlightening. 

First of all, the RECON just feels better.  It is lighter and trim.  Weight with scope and sling is right at 7 pounds even.  At 200 yards, with military surplus ammo, it shoots just under 2 MOA. The factory trigger wasn’t doing it for me so I replaced it with a Timney which is set at 2.25 pounds.  The length of pull is a bit too short for me.  When standing, the bolt touches my cheek during cycling.  From prone, I have to raise my face from the stock.  I’ll be adding the spacer soon so that’s an easy fix.

The design of the action allows the RECON to be top loaded which the Steyr can’t do.  The Steyr does have the double detent magazine which was a lot less useful than I had assumed.  When topping off to load a 6^th round, I inserted a full mag to the first catch.  I then opened the bolt and dropped in the 6^th and tried to close the action.  It doesn’t feed like that.  You must tilt the gun forward and drop the round into the chamber.  Well… tilting forward sends the bolt forward as well.  Because the top of the action is not open, you can’t use your left hand to hold it back and you need a third hand.  It can be done, but is not as handy as I had thought.

The trigger on the Steyr is simply amazing.  Mine is adjusted to 2.25 pounds which may be the same weight as the RECON, but they are not the same.  Press the trigger on the Steyr and there is just no movement at all.  Just a click.  You don’t feel anything move.  I don’t know how to describe it, but it feels like the lock time is zero.  It is stunning.

The spare mag carrier is also very slick.  Performing tactical mag changes are fast and you don’t even have to lower the gun to do it.  From a fighting perspective, that’s pretty cool.

So which do I prefer?  Can’t really say but if given a choice of a Steyr or a RECON plus a Randy Cain class and 500 rounds of ammo for the same money, well, I think you know the answer.  If you want one though, you need to do it right now.  Due to a ridiculous ATF ruling Steve is closing up shop at the end of 2017.

Overall:

Randy Cain’s Practical Rifle was worth every penny.  I confirmed a lot of things I had suspected, proved a lot of my gear choices and learned a huge amount.  I really feel like I got a full measure of knowledge but I also think that if I took it again next month that I would learn even more.  There were times he slowed down the pace so others could keep up but I don’t feel at all shorted by that.  I think everybody there is at a much higher level than before the class. 

Anybody considering this type of class should check out these resources:

http://www.scoutrifle.org/index.php very well informed discussion board

http://scoutriflestudy.com/ this requires registration and is an amazing compendium of Cooper’s scout rifle concept.

http://www.guntactics.com/Rifle.htm Randy Cain’s site

http://granitemountaintactical.com/?page_id=301 Buy a RECON (my rifle is featured on this page, it is the one with the tan finish)
https://www.andysleather.com/ 

Adult view of history

How is it that we have allowed racists and white supremacists to be the defenders of history?  This is absolutely intolerable.  There are a lot of people out there who respect our heritage and yet, want nothing to do with the hate filled morons who are out there defending it. 

Before I get into the current discussion, let’s digress a bit and make an analogy.  Do you have a relative whom you admire and respect, in spite of the fact that they didn’t always do the right thing?  Perhaps you have a relative who lived a good life and did a lot of good things but at one point, may have committed a crime or was unfaithful to a spouse.  Maybe this person inspired you to be a better person.  Perhaps this person gave you a chance when others didn’t.  Does the fact that they had imperfections mean you will not memorialize them?  Would you not pay your respects upon their death?  Would you focus upon what this person did wrong at their funeral? 

Of course you wouldn’t.  You wouldn’t hide from the wrongs and if you are smart, you would even learn from those shortcomings.  You would also look at what that person did right and how they helped shape who you are today.  You would try to emulate the good while at the same time, avoid the bad, because that is what healthy adults do. 

None of this is what is happening as a nation today.  There is a substantial portion of the population who want to completely erase the past.  They are so filled with hate, resentment and rage that they can’t see that people like Robert E. Lee actually were pretty amazing people. They can’t see that some of the positions of Southern States were fairly reasonable.  They miss the fact that rural, agrarian culture is very different than urban culture and preservation of that culture is just as valid as any other cultural goal. 

On the other side, there are also hate filled people who are delusional and actually embrace the worst parts of our past.  They don’t just overlook the evils of slavery and bigotry, but lament its passing.  Like those opposing them, they are filled with rage, fear and ignorance. 

Unfortunately, the white supremacists have passion that is lacking in many others.  Because they have such passion, they will show up to demonstrations in support of keeping our national heritage intact.  They take up the symbols that were valuable to many and corrupt them in the process. 

It is beyond irritating that the KKK and their ilk are forever associated with defending Southern history.  It should not be that way.  As a nation, we need the adults to take over and admit that the Confederate South wasn’t all wrong yet wasn’t all right either.  It should be possible to have an honest discussion where we confront the evils of racism while still acknowledging that not everything they stood for was wrong. 

That national discussion will never happen though.  It will not happen because it isn’t in the interest of some very powerful groups to have that discussion.  In addition to the things that were wrong (slavery and racism), there was a lot that made sense in the Confederacy. 

The idea of limited federal government, adherence to the 9^th and 10^th Amendments to the Constitution, free trade and the concept of rugged individualism are all embodied in the culture of the South.  Any of those sound familiar?  It should because those are the foundations of the modern conservative movement.  Those concepts are also threatening to modern liberalism which is why there is such a concerted effort to attach the rest of the Confederacy to conservatism as well.

Because modern liberalism, aided and abetted by the dominant media, see these things as threats, they have hung the albatross of the KKK and white supremacists around the neck of conservatism.  The white supremacists seem all too happy to have their wagon hitched to the success of the Tea Party and gladly accept the link.  Meanwhile, conservatives can’t seem to figure out how to agree with some, but not all positions of the so-called “alt-right.” 

It all just makes me sad. History needs to be preserved and there is social benefit to having heroes, even if the heroes were flawed.  We should be able to talk about the flaws without destroying what was good.  I pray that we are able to figure this out as a nation without sliding back into the divisions that lead to our first civil war.

Political discourse and Nazis.

Yesterday, a crazed man opened fire on Republican congressmen and the media can't seem to figure out why.  It isn't even just the mainstream media that seem to avoid the elephant in the room.  Even conservatives seem to not quite know how to describe what lead to this.  They nibble at the edges but miss the big problem.

In my humble opinion, this is all about Nazis.

Yup... Nazis.  The left in this country have been VERY cavalier in recent months with this word and I knew it would only be a matter of time until somebody actually did something like this.

There are people in this country that have been equating the GOP with the Nazi party.  Others have compared the Confederate flag to the crooked cross.  If you want a real adventure, Google "similarities between GOP and Nazi party" and you'll see what I mean. It is an accepted part of the national dialogue to throw around words like Nazi and Fascist when describing Trump and the Republicans.

Think about that for a moment.  If people actually believe that we are living in the equivalent of 1930's Germany, what is the right action to take?  Wouldn't you kill Hitler before the Holocaust? Wouldn't his henchmen be fair game? What about the SS?

The language adopted by many on the left has been irresponsible to a degree which can hardly be fathomed.  Policy differences will always exist.  We will never agree upon all matters.  But when one party demonizes the other to the extent that one has is dangerous and lead directly to what we saw in Alexandria yesterday.

I pray that the adults finally show up on the left.  I don't mind policy disagreements.  If you identify your political opponents as evil, rather than just wrong of misguided, somebody will eventually take you seriously.

Loss, Faith and Miracles

I’m trying to figure out how to approach this topic.  In the last 2 years, I’ve learned a lot about grieving, spirituality and faith and I want to share it but I don’t want to presume to tell others how they should approach the topic.  I also want those who are grieving to see that there are some very concrete ways by which they can keep and even strengthen their faith in the face of grief.  Finally, I want those who are attempting to comfort the grieving to recognize that some of the words that are reflexively used to comfort, may have the exact opposite effect as they intend and to be careful about how to console the grieving.

When my wife Kristine died in 2015, I was confronted by a huge number of emotions that I had never experienced before.  The death of someone so close was a shock to the system which I can still hardly comprehend.  There was no build-up, no preparation and no way to anticipate what was to come.  In a matter of minutes, I had to come to grips with the fact that everything I thought my future would be was gone. 

This is where my relationship and understanding of God became so important.  I am a Christian but the way I view God and his “plan” is very different than the stereotype that is commonly told of Christians.  I have never been one to believe in “miracles” in the traditional sense.  I don’t believe in a God that intervenes in human affairs.  I believe in a God who loves us so much that he allows us to have free will. 

Free will is the second most important gift he gave to mankind.  The first of course is his son Jesus but even that gift would be irrelevant if we were not free to accept him.  If God changed people’s behavior so that they didn’t hurt us, free will does not exist.  If God altered people’s bodies, wouldn’t that mean we worship him out of fear of what would happen to our physical well-being?  Is that free will?  If God changed the weather to protect people from disaster, wouldn’t that mean he saved us from our own decisions about where and how to live?  That violates the idea of free will.

No, I believe God loves us so much that he allows the world to operate in a way where science rules.  Choices have consequences.  We live in an imperfect world, in imperfect bodies and that often leads to grief.  Because we live in that world, we are free to accept His gift of grace and redemption.  Without free will, we could not make that choice and His love is what makes this possible.

None of this means I don’t believe in miracles.  It means that I view the nature of miracles in a very different way.  The miracles happen when we listen to his voice.  We make better decisions when we quiet our minds and allow the Spirit to work in us.  That "still small voice" can tell us God’s plan and we can act upon it.

Allow me to share what I consider to be miracles that I have had in my life.  This is not a comprehensive list but they are the ones that I hope bring solace to those who are grieving.

1.      Meeting Kristine in the first place was a miracle in my book.  She would be horrified if she knew that I let people know that we met on-line but we did and it is an important part of this story.  I saw her profile and my initial reaction was “no”.  She just wasn’t my type (or so I thought).  She was a Christian and I wasn’t.  She had 3 kids and I had never been interested in kids and had gone out of my way to make sure there were no kids in my life.  She lived a LOT farther away than I wanted to date. 

Yet something in the back of my head told me to take a closer look.  I reminded myself that my criteria for women had led me to not so good outcomes.  My decision making had proven to be poor in previous relationships so I decided to go against my instincts and see what this was all about.  I discovered just how wrong I had been about a great number of things.  I found true happiness in the exact things I had avoided my entire life.

2.        Adopting her children was another one of those decisions that was miraculous.  In the interest of privacy, I’ll not get into a lot of details here but suffice to say, several people listened to that "still small voice" and as a result I became the legal father to three amazing kids.  The importance of this fact wouldn’t be fully understood until that awful day in 2015 and everybody took comfort in the fact that the kids' future was never in jeopardy.

3.        Life insurance.  Kristine and I had a lot of discussions about planning for the future.  Part of those discussions was what each of us would do without the other.  We agreed on a plan that might have stretched us in some lean months but we never missed a payment.  That policy went into effect on 2/12/2010 which was 5 year to the day before her passing.  I knew from the moment it happened that our family would not be financially devastated and that so many of our plans would still happen.

4.         We often discussed end of life issues.  We both talked about not being kept on life-support.  We talked about cremation and the fact that neither of us thought we needed real estate in death.  We joked about the idea that when we are gone, we are truly gone and can’t have our feelings hurt.  Just 5 days before her death, we were at a funeral where she reminded me for the 100^th time that she would figure out how to haunt me if I had an open casket for her.  She went several steps further by telling me which funeral home to use and that her father should make the urn because she didn’t want me spending a single dollar more than absolutely necessary.  Yes, I pointed out to her the absurdity of assuming her father would outlive her but I was jokingly informed that her dad was immortal.  Yes, 5 days before her passing, we discussed funeral arrangements with smiles on our faces.

5.        There are actually several more of these “coincidences” that happened over the years preceding her death.  Some are rather private but all of them have a common theme.  For some reason, things were said and relationships were built that didn’t always make 100% sense at the time.  We and others just listened to that still small voice.  Oh and in the middle of this, I became a confirmed Episcopalian.  For all its faults, (and there are a few) the Episcopal Church is remarkable in that the Bible is not viewed as a history and science book but rather as a guide to our relationship with our fellow man and with God.  It is a very logical approach to God and one that allows me to be both logical and a Christian.

So the point of all of this?  Aside from it being cathartic for me to get it all in writing, there is a point here.  If you are grieving, take a look at your life.  Look for those times when you listened to that voice.  If you’re a believer, you’ll find them.  You’ll see where God’s will was present in your life.  You’ll identify those times when God was preparing you for your time of grief. 

If you are the one grieving, you are going to have a lot of people in your life hug you and try to comfort you by telling you that your loss is part of “God’s plan” or that God called his angel home.  People say this without thinking of the real ramifications of those statements.  They are repeating words they have heard before and they sound like the only comforting thing they can imagine.  In truth, they have no words that could possibly comfort you right now. 

Unfortunately, what they have done by claiming your loss is part of God’s plan is to say that God killed your loved one for purposes you can never understand.  You’ll struggle with this, especially that first week at 3:00 AM while you are looking at the empty spot in the bed.  You’ll doubt God’s wisdom.  You’ll scream that he should reveal this grand plan so you don’t have to toss and turn for endless hours trying to figure it out.  You might get angry at God for having a plan that involves so much pain. 

If you do a Google search for things not to say to those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, the first or second thing on the list is the “God’s plan” phrase yet it is so deeply woven into our psyche that it is impossible to avoid.  I really don’t think people have thought it through but in your time of grief, I guarantee that you will.  If you believe that God actually planned this horrific event, I can’t see how deep depression wouldn’t follow.

Allow me to share how I dealt with this.  First of all, I very quickly adopted the following phrase:  “We live in an imperfect world, in imperfect bodies.  God loves us so much that he gave us free will and sometimes that means people die long before God would will  them to go.”  In those long nights in an empty bed, I thought long and hard about the philosophical meaning of free will and how that fits into this grand plan.

What I came up with is that God doesn’t plan tragedies.  He plans for how we deal with them when they hit.  The trick is listening to him when he tells us that plan.  Sometimes, the plan doesn’t make any sense until after it happens.  In my case, I was following a path that put me and my family into the best possible position when that horrible day came.  We didn’t know that day was coming and I don’t blame God for it, but we were as ready as any family could have been under the circumstances.

My final piece of advice to anybody who is grieving is to look forward.  Looking back is only good if you’re reminiscing or trying to learn from it.  It is NOT good if you have regrets or if you seek to live in the past.  My prayer is for wisdom to figure out how best to move my family forward.  Start making plans.  Get involved with activities that require planning.  Listen to that small voice when it moves you into the future.  There is no going back.  What is past can never be changed.  Regretting what has happened gets you nowhere. 

Pray for strength.  Pray for healing.  Pray that you’ll hear that "still small voice" that will help you move forward.  Do those things that you don’t always understand.  You may one day wake up and see that His plan was for you to survive and thrive.  His plan wasn’t the death of a loved one.  His plan was for how you live after loss.